Cracking Craigslist

Heeding the impassioned advice of friend, blog reader, and experienced Craigslister, Just the Clusters, I published my latest post (now titled “Who Doesn’t Love Cereal?”) in the “women looking for men” section of Craigslist, rather than “strictly platonic.” I received one email containing the simple message “I don’t” (only one!) but, otherwise, have discovered that cereal consumption pregnant with relationship potential is, apparently, far more appealing than its platonic counterpart.

The first email that piqued my interest began with the respondent’s description of his “technique” of blending 5 to 6 of Trader Joe’s finest and concluded with his acknowledgement that he sounded “super dry and boring” but in actuality is “a blast to be around.” A blast, you say? I like a blast. And, I scrolled to find, he included a picture of himself. The description Super Fly Carrot Top comes to mind, if your brain can conjure such an image. Finally! Someone who’s taking this seriously!

Now this cereal eater is of the ilk that likes to break down emails and respond to each line individually, which can make for a somewhat disjointed communication and retelling, but the content of our subsequent emails progressed, more or less, like this:

Me: I too love a good mix – nothing like a custom breakfast blend.

Him: Custom blends are my thing. The key is to not put too much of any one type in the bowl too early or you’ll have no room left. Another tip I can offer is this: NEVER answer the phone after the milk! You’ll either have a brick waiting for you or wet pajamas. I think an orange (seedless…ask me how I know) added to the bowl would be nice. Do you add fruit? I just about always add some. Nuts? I always have a bag of raw almonds I’m working on too. There’s supposed to be some health benefit with raw nuts so I’m doing my part for the cereal industry to ensure I’ll be around a long time to buy more product.

Me: You provide some excellent insight regarding cereal eating – it seems you may be somewhat of an expert, even…As for my add-ins, I’m huge on fruit. I daresay that, barring particularly desperate scenarios, I ALWAYS enjoy my cereal with fruit. My favorite is mixed berries and bananas, but I love all kinds.

Him: Still a student but I quest towards excellence every time I fill my tummy with goodness. Berries and bananas are staples. Staples are not berries and bananas, they are made of metal. This is still somewhat of a riddle to me. I just discovered mangoes in my fridge last night…they will not live to see the sun set again.

Me: Oranges are one combo that never even occurred to me. (Maybe a holdover from some childhood rule about not mixing citrus and dairy?) Perhaps I’ll give it a go, though, if I’m ever feeling especially adventurous.

Him: As I introduced my orange (citrus) to my milk (dairy) yesterday, I looked skyward and beat both fists on my chest and commissioned the gods to allow human insight into the reason why this combination works as I too have been conditioned to believe it shouldn’t…(actually, it kinda doesn’t but I do it anyway). Adventure breeds discovery, breeds book deals, breeds movie deals, breeds Paris’s entry of your number into her blackberry, breeds scandal. Be very careful.

Me: How did that mango work out for you?

Him: Nicely. I like cutting them up so they look like a little dinosaur before I devour it.

How’s that for some verbal foreplay? (And before breakfast, even.) So our meet-and-eat is set and I hope he’s not all talk because I’m very much looking forward to getting a peek of his elaborately fruity, nutty, Mesozoicly-shaped blend. And maybe more…