Craigslist Strikeout

An evaluation of my first decade (yes, that can be used to refer to a set of 10 anything, not just years) of Cereal Dates reveals the online dating website to be an excellent source for nice guys who bore me. And I’m bored of boredom. Craigslist, on the other hand (let’s call it the left hand, because I like the left hand better), is the place to go for the more interesting (albeit crazier) characters. It is also, you may recall, where I attracted the 1 (count it, 1) gent I would actually consider meeting again (although to this point he has expressed no such interest). So with an itch for adventure, I reposted my ever-evolving ad on Craigslist towards the end of last week. Are ya ready?

The very first response I got was from a 26-year old guy who indicated his interest and included a link to his own post, which he’d just published.

“Basically, I love music and writing. I’m a mellow, low-key person who enjoys travel and new experiences. If I’m not working, then I’m usually home or at a concert. My career is in the field of writing.”

So far so good.

“I live in Los Angeles, so my preference is to find somebody in the area. She must be intelligent, loyal, mentally stable, and able to understand my somewhat dry sense of humor among other things.

Concerned about the need to request mental stability, but perhaps that’s just part of his somewhat dry sense of humor. I love somewhat dry humor. Not sure what “other things” are – maybe cereal?

“Also need a woman who will wear pantyhose for me. It’s a very strong fetish.”

Hold the phone.

“Some may not understand, but it’s very important to me."

I’d venture to include myself in that "some" you reference. And it’s not just important, but very important?

“It doesn’t have to be 24/7. I’m fair.”

Well at least he’s fair. Click.

Respondent numero dos, a Fruity Pebbles fan, called my post “an excellent piece of literature” (I can get on board with that), and was looking “to meet new people, perhaps people with depth and a good head on their shoulders (that’s not really necessary, but it would be nice! ☺)”

A guy who equates my writing with literature and doesn’t have a fetish-inspired dress code? Great, let’s set a date. But not so fast, it seems…

“Tell me a little about yourself so at least we’re not total strangers. What do you do for a living? Do you like to paint for fun? And most importantly, do you like rainbow ice cream?”

Excellent questions. Cereal-friendly topics for sure. Now let me just check out that MySpace link you attached. Huh, it includes the word “dicktator.” Hmmm. Oh, look at that…your general interests include (and this is an exact quote):

“porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes, porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes, porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes, porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes, porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes, porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes, porn stars, porn movies, porn books, porn heroes”

Huh. How ‘bout that? So I guess MySpace can be useful for something. You can guess what filled the “Movies,” “Books,” and “Heroes,” sections of his profile, although he does have slightly broader tastes in music and television. (Beauty and the Geek, anyone?) And…delete.

0 for 2, but I’m feelin’ lucky…

“Hi, I was perusing the craigslist personals (fruitlessly as usual) in between spurts of looking at drums for sale, when I came across your ad which piqued my interest. You seemed to be an exceptional find for the quagmire of personals that craigslist can be at times. Anyways, enough with the eloquent blah blah blah…From what I can tell we’d fit well together, and look good doing it. I’m a cool laid back guy whos not a total bum and generally has something interesting to say. Also i’m tall! If you think you’d be interested, you should totally write me back.”

Oooh, I like. The proper use of multi-syllabic words and, apparently, he’s tall (!). MySpace check…

Oooh, he’s cute! And he likes Scrubs and David Sedaris. I really like! How’s this weekend?

“i hate to be this guy, but do you have any pictures or anything? I’d like to have at least an idea of what you look like ☺”

“Well that certainly takes the mysterious adventure out of it all, but I can understand. I’ve attached a picture of myself – now if I never hear from you again I’ll judge you accordingly ☺”

I never heard back from him. Strike three.

Good thing in the sport of Cereal Dating (where I invent all the rules) strikes are good – like in bowling. Because they are the stuff of entertainment and blithe commentary that masks overwhelming disappointment and rejection. Go ahead, feast on my misery.